What's Bagram like?

George Clooney doesn't wear cargo pants.

     What's Bagram like and why the hell am I here?  Well, the second question is easier to answer than the first one, actually.  I'm here to help draw down a contract (send contractors home) as the military closes Forward Operating Bases (FOB's) and winds down their effort in Afghanistan. As the military sends soldiers home, there will be a corresponding reduction in the contractors that provide their support.  This is also the last of the stupid money contracting overseas, so I thought I'd jump on that gravy train as it pulled out of the terminal for the last time.  You can think of me as kind of like George Clooney in the movie Up in the Air, but not as good looking or rich.  And  not as well dressed.  And I don't have as many frequent flyer miles as he did in the movie.  Ahhh, forget about it, I'm just here to send people home.  And that's a good thing.
     What's Bagram like?  Bagram Air Force base (BAF) is about 30 miles outside of Kabul and sits in a basin at an elevation of about 4800+ feet, surrounded by mountains.  It's kind of nice seeing the sun rise over the Hindu Kush, but then you remember you're in Bagram.  The T-walls and concertina wire are as much to keep us in as to keep those on the outside, well, out.  I don't know the exact size of the base, but around the perimeter road on my bicycle, it's 13.19 kilometers - there are also some off limit areas (like the infamous prison) that I'll never get close to, but it's still part of the base, so it's much larger than just the perimeter.  When it  rains, it's muddy everywhere, when it doesn't rain, the dust is pretty nasty.  There have been a few nice days after the rain when the dust has been tamped down and momentarily, it looks brilliant, but then you remember you're on Bagram.  BAF  is huge and has some fairly decent ameneties - Amazon ships out here with amazing speed.  There are a number of Dining Facilities (known on bases the world over as DFAC - haven't eaten at all of them yet, but am slowly working my way around base, trying the DFAC's one by one), a number of PX's selling  the necessities of life, coffee shops, Afghani shops selling pirated DVD's, pizza and a few fast food joints for those who don't want to eat the quite good free food at the DFAC's.  With the DFAC serving decent food, those fast food places will never get a fil out of me.
     It is a hopping place, with aircraft of all types - big, small, helicopters and  fighter jets taking off and landing all of the time.  The work is non-stop, 7 days a week, 12 hours/day for 4 months, then you get a break.  The living conditions?  They suck.  On the good side, where you sleep is temperature controlled, there are porcelain flush toilets outside and the shower facilities have steaming hot water.  Running water, flush toilets and electricity - good.  Living in bunk bed conditions in a room with 24 of my closest contractor friends, some of who snore almost as loudly as my wife - bad.  And because the toilets are outside, we old guys, who are wont to get up in the middle of the night to pee, stop hydrating at about 3:00 pm so we don't have to walk outside to said porcelain toilets in the dark, cold night.  I'm not in a tent, which is open bay life, I'm in a b-hut, which is one step above the tents.  B-huts are constructed out of plywood.  Privacy is lacking. I'm on the waiting list for a CHU (Containerized Housing Unit) but my number will come up well after I leave here, at the end of my year. But the beds are for sleeping and I can do anything for 4 months at a time.  Confession:  I did have a start when I was taken to my bunk.  I said, "Is this my permanent assignment?"  "Yes it is mon, it is," said the Jamaican who escorted me to my lovely sleeping quarters.  I nutted up, put my suitcase on top of my wall locker, went out and bought a pillow and some linen and settled in.  After the fat life in Kuwait, where we had a three bedroom, four bath luxury apartment on the Persian Gulf, the b-hut is, to put it mildly, a  bit of a let down.  This is kind of the overview of why I'm here and what the life is like.  Up next: racism on post, as told by the graffiti in the bathroom stalls.